For anyone but the richest among us, being saddled with the gifts of the 'The 12 Days of Christmas' could very well destroy your life.

If you want to get paid to write for Cracked, you can. Right now. No experience necessary.

You've got to use what you've got to get what you want. That's how the old saying goes, anyway. But how do you get the things you want when you have nothing? Just ask, apparently.

When you actually sit down to look at the songwriting credits on famous tracks, the writers often come way the hell out of left field.

We try not to be celebrity-obsessed here at Cracked. But some prominent people have permanently changed the culture, and it's worth understanding what made them tick.

Don't you realize you can just make some shit up? If you wanted to write a song about pistol whipping the Insane Clown Posse roadie who was making out with your wife, just write that shit. You don't actually have to go out and beat up a clown to do it.

Adam Brown and Kristi Harrison feel it is their responsibility to deconstruct what has to be some of the most atrocious facial hair in the music industry.

You said Tom Petty, but you probably meant Richard Petty or Kyle Petty who both happen to be famous NASCAR drivers.

Being a famous musician comes with a lot of perks. Throngs of adoring fans enamored with your every move. More sex and drugs than one person should ever have access to. And, apparently, the means to get completely idiotic video games commissioned in your name.